10/18/2009 7:56:58 AM #

Where do I start when it comes to forgiveness? How could I judge people with fascist mentalities? There is no getting through to them because they have been blind-sided and convinced that this is the only organization that has been sanctioned by God.

Fortunately, I come from a large Italian family that had the innate love of their children and family in place. This made it impossible for my parents to ostracize their children for falling away. Both my brother and I were disfellowshipped, and my other brother simply faded away. I don't think I was ever officially "forgiven" by my parents. They simply were devastated that I would not have ever-lasting life, tried to recuperate their losses, but to no avail. Yet, I do know that they love me. What bothers me most is that I always feel that they see me as a sinner and unworthy of God's love or forgiveness.

My youngest brother who was disfellowshipped, died at age 37, I believe from the stress he was under when my parents refused to come to his wedding in the Catholic Church. The irony in this situation is that they attended his funeral in said church. He just wanted a normal life, but as with a lot of us in these forums, could not achieve without being sneaky and underhanded to achieve this goal while under the auspices of our families and their organization of self-righteous people and ideals.

My parents have hope in my brother's resurrection, so I guess they figured God forgave him. My "sin" was committed over 40 years ago, so I sort of faded out of the picture as well. Now, because my mother is elderly and my father has passed, it has become my "duty" to take care of her. However, any major decision are generally passed by the "elders" who talk to me as if I were a caretaker with a death sentence pending.

Probably the biggest offense for me was that the elders held my parents health care proxy because they did not trust us not to administer blood if the occasion warranted it. I blame my parents for their lack of faith in my ability to honor their wishes, regardless of how I felt.

My grown children find their line of reasoning offensive, as do I because all of us would certainly honor anyone's wishes at that juncture; I could not say this if a child was in jeopardy, but this is not the case, these are adults with minds of their own (pardon the pun).

Perhaps, no, truthfully, it is the organization that offends my sensibilities. It is their unofficial authority that bothers me. Do I forgive my family for what I have suffered over the years (yeah, I could write a book too)? Yes. I am better than them, and I have God's love on my side as do we all. I do know that my faith in God is subjective and personal, and that I do not need an overseer, elder, priest or rabbi and certainly not an organization to tell me how to worship God. If they have not forgiven me, that's o.k. I have forgiven them for their short comings, and bless them.

Nina